I packed up my belongings to move out of a place that once felt like a home. This place didn't keep it's home like comfort-ability for very long as the person who rented it to us is deeply disturbed. Living with roaches, no heat, no fridge for 6 months, and being harassed for no reason were just a few things making our living situation uninhabitable. My anxiety spiraled once again.
How we live is what makes us real. I don't know who said this or what it was in relation to but it has resonated with me for some time now. My partner and I were living in a foggy haze of confusion, not knowing which way was up or down. And somehow after all of this, it feels like it was meant to be this way. We were meant to dig our way out of the abyss. Maybe if I explain the chain of events that led up to this point...
It really all started with me quitting a full time job. I know what you are more than likely thinking here, doesn't it always start with quitting a job? Major life changes happen when you least expect it that's for sure but if you look closer you will see that big changes cannot happen without a person making one giant step forward. One that is particularly scary. Mine just so happened to have been quitting a full time gig that I hated and then signing up for Yoga Teacher Training.
I distinctly remember going into a panic attack in Half Pigeon while practicing one day. My overwhelming emotions took over me. Leaving me in tears and then quickly into a panic attack. It had only been a month since I last had one. This time though was particularly bad. My temples felt like they were going to explode at any second. Lucky for me a good friend of mine came to my rescue to which she was able to slowly get me out of my panic and back to breathing deeply. It's incredible how powerful our breath is! On this day I realized that my life was changing in really big ways. It all started with putting down the deposit for Teacher Training just two days after quitting my job.
2017 was a rough but wonderfully magical year for me and my partner! There were moments where I wanted to just give up everything and moments I truly felt alive. I also learned a great deal about myself as a beautifully complex human.
One hardship after another, my partner and I have rolled with life's punches. I'm thankful to have him by my side. With everything that has happened, my heart continues to grow bigger and bigger. Finally, I feel like I can breathe easier. Finally, I feel freer of fears that plagued my mind for too long. Finally, I can enjoy my time in the present moment. I am grateful and thankful.
Without writing my life story here I'll continue with a part two that includes more of the obstacles that we faced.